MrJCHEN's Xanga

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:06:10 GMT

The proposition that could kill me

If you've seen my pictures then you know what I'm about. I'm a die-hard political activist who focuses on gay rights. So you can probably imagine how I felt when I found out Tuesday morning that Proposition 8 was upheld by California's Supreme Court. At first, I was in shock. Complete shock and utter disbelief. Words cannot begin to describe what I felt. I had been waiting for this day to come because I believed that the American justice system would make the right decision concerning gay marriage. And evidently, I was wrong. My hope of better days was shattered.

Then it hit me. It hit me that I was still a second-class citizen who pays taxes, that my fundamental rights as an American were still denied, that I was still unfit in the eyes of California law to marry the person that I love simply because of my sexuality. And then the tears starting coming and soon, they were pouring. I was crying uncontrollably. It felt like I was suffocating and the air was running out. It felt like someone had taken a butcher knife and stabbed me deep in the heart. My pillow became damp and the sobbing didn't stop.

I laid in my bed lifeless that day as if a part of me had died. A million thoughts and emotions ran through me. Disbelief. Injustice. Anger. Victimization. Despair. Frustration. Inequality. The last time I had cried like that was when my grandpa passed away last October. Simply, I was crushed and my spirit had died.

When six o'clock came around, I knew I had to pick myself up and get ready for the protest. If I didn't, I knew I would never be able to forgive myself. I loaded my remade sign and the rope into my car and off I went to West Hollywood. After about twenty minutes of trying to find parking, I finally made it to the heart of the protest at San Vicente and Santa Monica. Literally thousands upon thousands of people were already at the intersection shouting and chanting. The roads were already blocked off and helicopters were circling the area. It seemed as if the world was about to come to an end.

A little over an hour after the protest officially began, we started to march down Santa Monica towards Highland. Then we went up Highland to Hollywood, and then went west on Sunset back to where we started. The energy was out of this world and there were all kinds of people there. Even people in their homes cheered and clapped us on. It really was a moment being made in history and a protest done right.

After the second hour, my arms and my shoulder started to hurt because of the rope. The pain didn't stop me, though, and it only made me stronger and even more determined. I used the pain as fuel for my fight. My adrenaline took over and I wanted blood. I was marching for something I whole-heartedly believe in, for equality and justice, and I wasn't about to stop because of some muscle pain. I was marching not just for myself, but for my friends, my entire community, the younger generation behind us and those fearless gay individuals before my time who had paved the way for all of us with their sweat and blood. And so I marched.

Another hour went by and another.

The march finally ended around 11:30. My entire body was hurting and I was beat. But you know what, it was worth every minute. I believe civil rights are worth the physical pain. I even believe they're worth my death.

You might think I'm crazy for thinking that but this is something I believe in and something that I've dedicated a part of my life to. Fighting for global social justice is a passion of mine and that is why I wouldn't mind being a martyr to it. I've always told myself that if I ever made a little difference in the world, then I will have lived a meaningful life and that my passing will not be in vain.

I do hope that one day my parents will be proud of me and what I've done, even though I know I wasn't the son they had hoped for in the beginning.

- Jimmy Chen

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wed, 27 May 2009 22:14:00 GMT

Day of Decision

A picture from last night's protest in Los Angeles:

Source: LAist

It's time to be outraged and fearless starting now. See you all this Saturday in Fresno.

- Jimmy Chen

Monday, February 23, 2009

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:26:17 GMT

- Jimmy Chen

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:57:41 GMT

Are you for sale?

Currently 27 million people are enslaved, from the SF Bay Area to Chicago to Africa to around the world. Us Americans, as freedom fighters, cannot allow slavery to continue. No one is for sale, not you nor I.

It's time to join the movement and be a part of the change we seek. Click on the link below to see how you can be a hero and help end slavery within our lifetime.

I want to be a hero and end slavery.

- Jimmy Chen

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 23:45:13 GMT

If you're on Facebook, go to their event page: Overturn 8

Post their website link on your profile: http://www.nclrights.org/overturn8

SPREAD THE WORD!

Twenty-five things

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 21:06:36 GMT

1. I think sometimes I'm bipolar but I pretend to be normal because I want to be.

2. My mother asks me ever so often, "Are you still gay?" and it's been over four years since I came out to her.

3. When I sit down, I always unbuckle the top button of my jeans because I have a phobia of stretched-out clothes. It doesn't matter where I am, this is a universal rule.

4. I wish I had more Asian friends.

5. I worked as the drive-thru guy at Del Taco in college. I quit Del Taco to work for Taco Bell and became the assistant manager.

6. I want to be in a relationship but I will never admit to it.

7. Even though I am a Christian, I have a grudge against the Church.

8. I became an activist over a year ago when I read about the sad situation in Burma.

9. I am secretly insecure and before I go out, I will practice smiling in front of the mirror.

10. When I was three years old, I ran through a glass door.

11. When I was five years old, I put my neighbor's goldfish in the refrigerator. Even though my mother disciplined me, she thought it was pretty funny.

12. When I was seven years old, I almost drowned and even though my mother was right there, she couldn't save me because she doesn't know how to swim. A stranger ended up saving my life.

13. When I was twenty years old, I tried to commit suicide by taking a bottle of Tylenol. My boyfriend at the time saved my life and I ended up staying at the hospital for three days.

14. I am quite obsessed with weight maintenance and believe that there wouldn't be so many medical issues if people just ate right and lived an active lifestyle.

15. I check www.breatheheavy.com every day and www.suntimes.com/ebert once a week.

16. I'm currently a big fan of Lady Gaga and I love her "performance art."

17. I can spend hours on Yelp and I love organizing dinner parties. I also love surrounding myself with friends because it makes me feel better about myself.

18. I usually don't go to the gym during the autumn and winter seasons which means I'm slightly pudgy right now.

19. I dislike typical "rice queens."

20. I dislike Asian people who only hang out with white people (and are rude to their own people) because they secretly hate themselves and think that white people are above them. I also don't have a problem calling them out on it.

21. When at home, I prefer to wear only my bathrobe.

22. I try to brush my teeth twice a day but I never get around to it. I do use Crest whitestrips often.

23. I hope to travel the world one day and meet people from all walks of life.

24. I'm kinda poor. :(

25. It's been 15 months since I've gotten laid. The last time was on Halloween in 2007.

- Jimmy Chen

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:13:04 GMT

Bore me wrong

I was watching a little bit of the Golden Globes earlier today and I was slightly unimpressed. I don't even know why I was watching it, perhaps it was out of boredom? It seems that most people didn't watch the awards show given its lowest ratings since who knows when.

It seems to me the American public just doesn't care that much anymore. I mean how many times do we need to see the same dress in the same color but with a different cut? And how many times have we seen the same hairdo in the same color but on a different face?

Like milk left past its expiration date, things have turned sour.

The awards show has gotten so repetitive, boring and almost annoying. All the stars walk down the red carpet looking fabulous but looking the same and you know they're craving Big Macs because they haven't eaten in days. I bet you the moment the show's over, the skinny bitches skip the after-parties to hurry back to their hotels so they can stuff themselves silly and then pass out from a food coma.

Isn't Hollywood so glamorous? Isn't this city I live in just ooze fierce fabulosity? Do I look like Sandra Oh?

I miss those days of Bjork's swan dress and J.Lo's plunging green Versace dress. I also miss Joan Rivers' crazy comments and her plastic nose. Designers need to start inspiring again and stop playing it safe. Who cares if your dress gets on the worst-dressed list? Can ya look at how those critics dress? They shouldn't be talking. Besides, Anna Wintour has my mom's haircut (the bowl cut).. who cares what that praying mantis thinks.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The Oscars are around the corner and my bets are it's gonna be more or less the same. I dare Alberta Ferretti to bore me wrong.

- Jimmy Chen

Friday, January 02, 2009

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 03:28:06 GMT

New Photo

Go to www.jointheimpact.com to free Jimmy Chen.

- Jimmy Chen

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 19:35:40 GMT

Why I protest

"The struggle is my life. I will fight for freedom until the end of my days." - Nelson Mandela

I cannot be sitting here typing on my laptop when I know that the civil rights of millions of Americans are in peril. Which is why I haven't been writing much lately.

Protesting has been taking up much of my time ever since Prop 8 passed. You know, that little proposition that took away the right for gays in California to marry. I remember being at a club that Tuesday night when I heard about the passage. Like most of you, I was in shock. I simply could not believe how America could take a big step forward by electing a black president and take an even bigger step backward with the proposition. It felt unreal, like someone had taken my heart, my mind and my soul.

How do you function without a heart? I beg that it's probably difficult, almost impossible for many. Not only do I want my heart, mind and soul back, I want my life back. I want to be able to have the right to marry. Simply, I want the same exact rights as every other person in this country, including my family. I am no different than my mother, father or sister. I am an American and I pay my taxes, so why should I be treated any differently?

Why?

It doesn't feel right. Being a second-class citizen makes me feel like I'm living in a third-world country. America isn't one and every citizen deserves to be treated like they are first-class.

I was on the phone with my mother the other day and she was begging me to stop protesting. She doesn't want me to put myself out there and put my life in danger. And she believes that God will make everything right, that you just have to believe in the order of things. I do believe God has a plan for all of us but nothing will be done if no one is proactive about it. Without the vision of Martin Luther King Jr., would the blacks have ended segregation? Without women standing up to their husbands, would the women's movement have taken off? I told her that I cannot sit in my room when I know my civil rights are not in my hands, that I would rather die fighting for something I believe in than spend my life in waste. And God is on my side so what do I have to be scared of? Nothing.

This is why I protest. This is why I have been tied up at the protests because that's how I feel. Yeah, it's quite uncomfortable and even though my hands turn purple by the time a protest ends, it's worth it. The pain is worth getting my civil rights back. People can call me a "faggot," a "cocksucker," tell me that I'm going to burn in hell. They can hurl every insult at me and attack me all they want but they will never break my spirit.

Because I refuse to break.

So, if you aren't on my side, for your sake I hope that you get the hell out of my way because I'm not going to stop marching forward. You're gonna have to cut off my legs for that.

My fellow brothers and sisters, the time to unite is now. Let's put our differences aside and come together. Let's make history together. Sooner or later, our voices will be heard from the heavens and the freedom bell will ring once again.

- Jimmy Chen

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 09:56:37 GMT

LA boogers and me

You ever get the feeling of if you don't put your thoughts on paper your brain is just going to explode? Well, that's how I'm feeling right now. A million things are going through my mind and my typing can barely seem to catch up.

Isn't it so disappointing when a friend lets you down? And isn't it even more frustrating if you feel like you can't talk to him about it because you know he wouldn't understand? I've gone through over a dozen groups of friends ever since I've moved to LA and even though I've lived here for over a year and a half, I feel I'm already ready to pack my stuff and move to the next city. I don't know why the friends I've made in the past have been so flighting/immature/dramatic/egotistical/narcissistic but I'm about to break.

They say birds of a feather flock together and that your friends are reflected parts of you. Well, I sure hope that's a generalization because I really don't think I'm a drama queen or naive or a megalomaniac. Why? Because frankly, I'm not nineteen anymore. Life has definitely disciplined and humbled me. Anyway, I think my problem isn't that I am fake or two-faced, it's that I'm too nice of a person. I keep giving people chances when what I should be doing is protect myself and move on. But you see, it's scary to move on and make new friends. I'm a very loyal guy so if I like you, I will absolutely believe in you and stick by your side. I'll defend and always give you the benefit of the doubt. That was just how I was raised. I treat people how I would want to be treated and rarely do I ever put myself first. I know it sounds cliche but it's the truth.

Ask any of my real friends and they will tell you that most often than not, I deny myself and I try to please those around me. Now you might ask, why is that? To tell you the truth, I don't know. Well, I do have a hunch. It might be because I have low self-esteem. And that might be because my dad hit me when I was little. And I was also just the nerdiest thing you ever saw growing up. I had glasses that were worse than Steve Urkel's. And my hair, oh god, it was worse than a bowl cut.

Images of myself from my childhood still pollute my mind and sometimes, I still see that nerdy kid when I look in the mirror. And you know what they say, if you're not good looking then you had better be nice (kidding). I'm not nice because I think I'm ugly, it's because I want to be nice. I think it makes the world a better place for everyone and it makes karma happy. Am I wrong?

But for some reason, I don't seem to believe that everyone here in LA thinks that. I've met a ton of people and most of them are just not what I'm looking for in a friend. Most seem to not have an identity, they don't know who they are and all that they are is what they see on TMZ and in movies and magazines. They're not individuals; they're like a bunch of popular kids who formed their own club in high school but they didn't know what to do with themselves after high school was over so now they're just stuck trying to be someone that they're not. They're chasing a dream created by Hollywood, an unrealistic fantasy that could end you up in rehab. But they still go at it because they are scared to confront themselves and realize what their true passion really is. And have you noticed it's always celebrity this and celebrity that? Like oh my god, that guy who was on that show that got canceled on ABC last season who played the main character's sister's husband was at Equinox! And I swear I saw David Beckham driving his Rolls Royce down Rodeo yesterday. He is just to die for! How many people on Facebook have pictures of themselves with a celebrity? And how many of those people are actually real friends with those celebrities?

Who cares? Believe it or not, they're just like you and me. They wake up and they go to bed. They go to the bathroom and oh right, they eat!

Anyway, it's just funny how sometimes I can feel like I have a ton of friends and then there are times, like right now, where I feel like I have not even a handful of folks who I can truly depend on and who seem to really care.

I remember not too long ago I wrote a blog about how the most popular people are the loneliest and it was simply out of speculation and observation. Well I can tell you now that wasn't a shot in the dark--it's the truth. You see, when you try and be friends with everyone, you kind of lose yourself and you become a chameleon. What do chameleons do? They blend in with their surroundings. What do popular people do? They blend in with whoever they're hanging out with. Now how do you go about blending in? You become bland, you have to. Why? Because the more bland you are, the easier it is going to be for people to befriend you. (Why are some people loners? Because they have difficult personalities). And so if you're looking to have a lot of friends, then you're gonna have to cheapen yourself, unless you can be really fake and be good at making people believe you really are their friend (which some do).

As for me, I'm kind of over trying to sell myself sort and trying to make everyone like me and be a mainstream gay because I realized I can never be one. I just can't. First of all, I'm not white and I don't do coke. I don't really like the way mainstream gays dress either and I don't like the way they carry themselves.. it's like "I'm better than you but I'm really not but I'm hoping that you think I am because I wear Gucci." I just find their attitude to be annoying and quite uninspiring.

I think LA in general is without inspiration. This city is almost like the bottom of the barrel except the bottom has a peculiar shine to it. No wonder I've been feeling like I'm becoming dumb.

How can you live without inspiration?! How did Van Gough do what he did? How did Beethoven? True, they were mighty talented but I doubt that was all that made them into legends.

Anyway, back to LA. The money and the glamour is nice but is it worth your soul? How much exactly is your soul worth? I sure hope it's worth more than baring your breasts or pecker on camera.

Wow, I really feel a bit relieved. My head isn't hurting anymore.

But I still have this problem though: I have always tried to please those around me. And I need to stop doing it. I need to watch out for me first and let them do the pleasing. I deserve it just as much as they do. But, how do I actually go about doing that?

I know what I don't enjoy and that's clubbing. Over the months, even the Abbey seems to have lost its luster. I remember the first time I ever went to the Abbey and I thought it was so pretty and fabulous. I think their clientele ruined it for me. Now, I just would rather visit it during the day when it's not so West Hollywood-esque. Vodka doesn't really affect me anymore, I just get tired. Pills just make me weird and cranky and weed just reminds me of my ex. I used to be so much more vivacious, so much more interesting. What happened? I need to get my old self back and I know I can do it while still being an Angeleno.

I love the beach and just staring off into the horizon, without a care in the world. I love hiking, rollerblading, ice skating, running... it kicks in those endorphins and makes me feel brand new. I love going to flea markets and farmer's markets and reading some Toni Morrison... it's like food for my mind. Most of all, I love breathing in that crisp clean air you get only deep in the mountains that just rejuvenates your soul. I need to do what I love and even if I have no one to go do those things with, I know I have myself.

In the end, friends do come and go (it's a sad truth), but not your besties, they go with you.

- Jimmy Chen